Another T-Junction of mine

If doubt is challenging you and you do not act, doubts will grow. Challenge the doubts with action and you will grow.

Doubt and action are incompatible.

John Kanary

In the middle of another path of life

Which one should i choose for the best ?

Which way is my way ?

Which area is a safe ones 4 me ?

Please God help me with Luck

And I'll struggle hard just to get what i want and what i deserve 2 get

Binguuuuuuuuuuuuuuung !

Besok jwb an awalnya ... Besok - besok nya lagi

kebingungan total

Just Take off negative atribute that i put on unconsciously

These whole weeks, i read number of pshycological books, plus ESQ (my sister's book who fall 2 sleep during the training ,but the book's wonderful n inspiring). And not long ago, i've been consulted to psycholog wanna be (therapist). He was one of my new friends , coz of that reason, i have 2 pay null per hour. Plus i've got alot of information , guidance from someone who know spiritual psychology(psikologi agama).It cure my heart n my mental pain. COz they (whom i asked advices) never know me before, so they advice, judgement, alternative thought that they offered me , was objective . Such a great & long lasting contemplation

And the result's, i turn to smile again.Even the fact, i have forgot how to smile for months sincerely. All out're anger, guilt, and tears. But now i want to confess that i am happy.The power of guilt still exist, but it's trying to find the best way out. It what we called way of life.

Frankly speaking i am not a psycho, nor schizophren, and not also the one who's suffering split personalities, It's all because there's "huge" GAP between the ideal and real condition.

About college, honestly i planned it. I feel reluctant to graduate in 8th semester. Why ? Coz , @ that time , i thought someone who deserves to graduate only her(L.I.A) .I thought it's mean(evil),if i and other friends graduate in a perfect time (ini hanya pola pikir yg aq buat sndiri, jadi kalo ga pas, ya maklumi).So i don't want to graduate with my other friends, i just don't deserve that.So to pay a little bit of guilt(menebus rasa bersalah), I postponed graduation.Even i've ever thougt to let my bachelor degree away .. just loose it(unfortunately, i'm too cowards 2 live without a paper of degree),so i don't do it.Someone said it was riddiculous but .... it's me

So hopefully iam able to rearrange my entire life and graduate in 9th semester.

About work ;I have wonderful n nice partners in work. Coz i'm a new guy (read: woman)so very often, they asked me more than what i have to do even it's not my responsibilites,some said it's exhausted ... coz i am still young, still need 2 learn new things , still capable do hard works , SO NO PROBLEMO. Whatever the job is, as long as i can like it , it turn to be such a fun job

Oaaaalaah ... Ini toh yg nama nya dunia kerja,it's totaly different compare to college world.my Soft Skill is still in a low level ,thx god , i've got place, to learn and abilities + opportunities 2 do COOP.U don't have to be smart 2 make U cool in a work !

Oh ya, recently, i met alot of new people , gather with them , and adapt all the time. trying to be nice , have empathy,is my daily to do, eventhough i'm still nervous, unconfident and "kagok",coz i used to be in front of computer not people, so kurang mahir ber basa basi. It's the important things of work , everyone needs 2 be respected right ? Gesekan - gesekan dalam kerja pasti ada , pas rapat pun bisa jadi nigthmare, shoutedl one to another, kind of new experience 2 me ... i am getting used 2 it

Here, i also met cool people, cool in a work,cool in religion, and also cool in family.Wherever U R the important things 're FOCUS, ADAPTATION,Totality & Integrity ... I've learn much2 lesson from them .Life is only a choice...

It has been 2 months i'm here,so if i leave next months, oo i will miss them and the atmosphere here most....And COOP pals , we're getting closer day by day but then there's time to say goodbye , It's life ...there's nothing last ever after .. no eternal things here

If u build house according to everyone's advices , U will build a crooked house. Just be smart to choose

rejoice in our suffering, suffering produce perseverance, perserverance - character and character hope

Horeeee ...
This week is a quiet week ... it's a holiday ... And then final test will begin soon ...
It means also , one side job of mine (being an asisstant for 2 classes) is over ...
biyuh ... it's finally over

Oops it's almost over (^-^)

I started with a clumsy way , feeling unconfidence , as you know it's a big classes , and only one woman in the class besides me ! .
Just imagine that ...
For me, being visible is unsecure. I never felt comfortable in front of 30 - 60 people .

And when i have to start the class without a lecturer , ooooh it's the worst time
Hehehe ... fortunately these kind of burden(in the beginning) turned to be a challenge
And i passed it ...

Oh ya , Feeling guilty again
@ the end of last months , i asked someone to promote me for a job , coz i need an extra money, but when the job is ready to take,i doubt it for several reasons . Some because of unfinished TA(my undergraduate final project), another flash opportunities from my lecturer that i can't miss & mess up, plust the announcement for COOP comes tooo late.
And the worst thing i'm incapable to say sorry, i just disappear ..
4 JepCoolGuy i'm so sorry , if we meet again, if i ol again , i will ask 4 an apology.

3 june 2007
There's a reunion in DOM's house for 3p2
I was sick but i insist to come . THere i met my senior high school friends.It's fun enough .. laughing all the time (^-^) Except their position , they ain't change at all ... HAHAHAHA ... Wonderful time i had this months .

SOme of them , decide to get a master degree , some works , and coz most of them're doctors , so most decide to practice in hospital ...
The fact is they had graduated ..And most who studied @ ITS 're only able to graduate in march08 or more ... Only one i guess and it's not me who graduates in this sept...

Then in the same weeks got some wise words "Kebahagiaan adanya pada tingkat syukur seseorang" from one of my lecturer , and another friends added "NGapain iri ama yg dah lulus , selama kita g membuang waktu kita begitu aja" ... Sounds i'm looking for a "rationalitation" pembenaran ... It might be true ...

It's all because My TA change from LBS(location based service) into buiding mail service that capable send sms ... It means i had to study all over again mail server (i had bad experience in Computer network practice during 4th semester mostly in IMAP , & SMTP) so i'd never imagine that i will deal with these things all over again .. even i had decide using kerio ....


But listen to my fave song ... then .. it describe my feeling and most of 3p2 gals .. !

SO ADIOS ... Sayonara ... Zai Jian ... Bye ...

progress TA 1

final result , won't change any more tool , any library more :
>> Netbeans 5.5 + visual webpack
>> JSF framework
>> Jasper Report
>> WMA (JSR ...) --> u/ send & retrieve sms
>> LBS (JSR 179)--> pengenalan lokasi nya
>> ORACLE XE
>> Rational Rose
>> Power Designer 9
>> JDK Sonny Ericsson
>> Wireless + J2ME + Netbeans mobility pack

One of the best things we can do in our lives is this:

Some good Advice for Me , and for anyone who's lost their own starting point

To solve any problem or to reach your goal, you don't need to know all the answers in advance. But you must have a clear idea of the problem or the goal you want to reach.

All you have to do is know where you're going. The answers will come to you of their own accord.

Don't procrastinate when faced with a big difficult problem, break the problem into parts, and handle one part at a time.

If you can get up the courage to begin, you have the courage to succeed.

It's the job you never start that takes the longest to finish.

Don't worry about what lies dimly at a distance, but do what lies clearly ahead.

Your biggest opportunity is where you are right now. Once you begin you're half done.

when you realise you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody You want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible

Do not put limits on yourself. So many dreams are waiting to be realized.

Decisions are too important to leave to chance. Reach for your peak, your goal and you prize.

Nothing wastes more energy than worrying. The longer one carries a problem the heavier it gets. Do not take things too seriously. Live a life of serenity, not a life of regrets.

Realize that it is never too late. Do ordinary things in an extraordinary way.

Have hearth and hope and happiness. Take the time to wish upon a start.

Believe in your heart that something wonderful is about to happen.

Love your life.

Believe in your own powers and your own potential and in your own innate goodness.
Wake every morning with the awe of just being alive.
Discover each day the magnificent awesome beauty in the world.
Explore and embrace life in yourself and in everyone you see each day.
Reach within to find your own specialness.
Amaze yourself and rouse those around you to the potential of each new day.

Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect.
This is the essence of your humanity. Let those who love you help you.

Trust enough to be able to take.
Look with hope to the horizon of today for today is all we truly have.
Live this day well.
Let a little sun out as well as in.
Create your own rainbows.
Be open to all your possibilities - All possibilities and Miracles.
Always believe in Miracles.

Boleh dunk , aq bermimpi ? Boleh dunk , aq berusaha sekuat tenaga mewujudkan mimpi itu ? Boleh kan ! ?!

Chayo ! Fighting ! Ganbate !

You see,
you can do anything
if you put your focus on how to do it
rather than on why you can't
This is What I call Challenge
Remember, Dreams will never hurt you ,
until you hurt yourself by always seeing the dark side ,the failure
than the bright side , the joy of success

Misfortune shows who's friends really are !

7 days after she's gone ...

Don't know what 2 say , n what 2 share
The whole one week, i can't focus 2 anything
Just do useless things with no purpose

But this morning
As you know i've never exercised for the past 3 years
coz i'm kind of lazy or have no time to do that (I deliberately don't like sports )
aq harus nuntun motor aq yg mogok dari kertajaya samsat ampe bengkel gebang
Dasar bodoh , knp mikirnya cmn bengkel di gebang , knp g kepikiran bengkel lain yg lebih Dkat !
Lumayan lah olahraga pagi buat aq
Alhasil asistensi pikti pagi aq minta tolong dengan sangat ke feqi gnti in

During the journey 2 the service motor , all i think is about surroundings
Usually in the morning , I got busy with my own daily activities , have no time or opportunities to see the beauty of sun rise , to see the strugle of Marginal people and so on

BUt this morning i got this chance

TA aq dah ditagih , tapi aq masih null ..
PIYE IKI ..
hiks .. hiks

KOq sepertinya aq ingin menghindar
berlari menjauh
Nah kalo lari terus
kapan mari ne ?
Kapan selesainya !

Ooops, I just want to attend "mobile content 4 3G workshop in Jakarta - Involve in E~Volve" which's held by Erricsson, But have no friend to accompanied with... So ...
Jadi bingung , biasany aq ajak lia , dan skrg dia g ad ...

Selamat !!! -Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got.-

Liburan belum berakhir tapi harus di akhiri se segera mungkin .
Mungkin saat ini there will be no holiday .
Selamat Tinggal Wortel , pls forgive me 4 being so selfish
Selamat Datang kerjaan , harus segera resign pula
Selamat Datang dunia Tugas Akhir yang selama ini terbengkalai , you'll be the 1st priority now
Selamat .. buat Athens_chortle, Jep_CoolGuy , sahabat , temen bertengkar sejak awal kul ... Selamat yaaaaa keren bgt , cumlaude dah di depan mata ya oi ^______^
Kalo bener lulus smster ini , doakan aq jg ikut lulus smster 8 ya , sblum menjadi jurassic di kampus

Oprah Winfrey, American TV personality
As you become more clear about who you really are,
you'll be better able to decide what is best for you - the first time around.

A ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what ships are for.

Dreams never hurt anybody if you keep working right behind the dreams
to make as much of them become real as you can.

This day was the first failure in the 2007. Get rejected from one of multinational company .
Ooops Must work Hard then

do the things you believe in the name of love And know that you're not alone. We all have doubts and fears

Akhirnya Yang ku nanti kan 2 bulan terakhir ini datang ...

Proposal Tugas akhir ku di setujui . Bisa dikatakan dah 3 kali aq ganti judul . Flashblack ke belakang , Judul - judul yang dah sempat aq kerja kan setaun terakhir ini (2006), yaitu :


Judul Tugas Akhir Pertama adalah membuat aplikasi dari judul paper di bawah :
Di dapat saat ambil kuliah Pengenalan Pola dengan dosen nya yang terkenal "scientist banget" . Apalagi saat itu sedang tertarik -passion- ke yang namanya saham, option dan sejenis nya . Tapi di bulan September 2006 , Aq shock , baca deh suasana hati ku saat itu :

"Belum cukup di anggap foolish , dan tak ada message reply satu pun akan postingan ku mengenai aplikasi ETF di Indonesia , hingga di tertawa i oleh > 1 lecturer , entah karena ego nya atau memang judul TA(baca: Tugas Akhir) ku yang tak mungkin dicapai , sekarang kembali menemui jalan buntu . Adanya salah satu bagian dari Teori Chaos , Teknik Elliot Wave yang menggunakan metoda FRACTAL (struktur yang berulang pada Higher atau Lower wave) , yang termasuk pada TA(Baca: Technical Analysis). dan ini menghancurkan kepercayaanku akan keberhasilan TA(Baca : Tugas Akhir) ku .Sedikit Informasi dari Milis , itu berarti dua hal harus dipadukan fundamental analysis dan technical analysis .Sementara Dosen Pembimbing ku , tutup mata akan adanya aspek Fundamental Analysis . Jadi gimana nie ? Benar2 ... Terpuruk Pertanda saat nya ganti judul kah ini ? Harus kah ku lari dan cari rumput lain yang lebih hijau ?"


Judul kedua adalah Rekayasa Ulang Aplikasi Monitoring Tugas Akhir . Ya implementasi ulang dari Aplikasi MOnta sebelumnya yang terstruktur dan menggunakan ASP , menjadi Aplikasi yang Object Oriented menggunakan ASP.net . Sayang nya peluang ditolak besar , dan ada salah satu dosen merekomen untuk menjadikan nya salah satu tugas mata kuliah saja .

Judul ke 3 :

Perancangan dan Pembuatan Perangkat Lunak Monitoring Tugas Akhir via sms dan Laporan berbasis Web dengan menggunakan JAVA

Nah judul yang ke 3 akhir nya di setujui ^-^ . Inti dari Tugas Akhir ini adalah Lewat Web (pake Servlet Framework nya kalo ga Struts ya Spring) dimungkinkan kirim sms gratis , trus sent item atau sms balasan dikirim balik ke web , dan di tampil in di web , plus lokasi Si penerima sms ini. Mungkin dari judul sederhana ya , tapi ada nya fitur , Penentuan lokasi berdasar BTS , nah ini nie yang bikin aq ragu .
Hanya saja , walo kemampuan J2EE ku pas - pas an , dan null besar di J2me. Aq merasa nie saat - saat terakhir ku kuliah , jadi harus T O T A L . Belajar coding & mandiri , sebelum terjun ke dunia kerja ku nanti nya . Plus dah konsultasi ke temen ama senior2 , yaaa mereka bilang sanggup lah Aq ngerjain ini . Jadi yaaaa Ganbatte Kudasai Ne ! apalagi aq merasa ada "benang merah" yang mengikat ku dengan komunitas Java .. he..he ...

Dan lagi aq salut sama dosen pembimbing ku , keduanya orang yang idealis , terutama pembimbing pertama ku , Dah jarang ditemui karakter semacam Bapak Dwi . Jadi , semoga nie jadi salah satu pemicu semangat TA ku .
Dan final result : dah di setujui , pertanda dimulainya perjuangan tanpa akhir , pertanda dah harus sering nge lab , pertanda dah harus puasa cari kerjaan , cukup satu dan fokus jadi programmer di 10.103. *** saja , pertanda harus fokus, pertanda ga boleh Ym an , fs an trus ... Dan harus mengakhiri hobi ku nonton dorama plus korean dramas. Tahun 2007 , tahun semedi ku . Maklum masih banyak yang harus aq pelajari dan kerjakan

Walau banyak yang mempertanyakan keputusan ku pindah bidang minat dari IBS(Intelligent Business System) ke SE(Software Engineering) , maklum SE merupakan M O M O K , bagi sebagian besar mahasiswa , dan mempertanyakan cara lari dari Bapak di judul pertama TA ku ... Tapi nie memang hal terakhir yang ingin kulakukan sebelum L U L U S .

Tugas Yang menanti segera di selesaikan sekarang :

• tugas K - means & Clustering nya PCD
• Praktikum SISOP ku yang terbengkalai 3 modul (knapa ya aq males klo dah berhubungan ama gcc am putty)
• Makalah RC4 Pengaman Jaringan
• Mengurus Laporan KP(Kerja Praktek). Maleeessss
• Web TOur&Travel PHP (Kerjaan)

Abis Itu semua usai , aq bisa FOKUS ke TA ^^
I'm so sorry Wortel 4 this ego

Doakan Aq konsisten yaaaaaaaaaa menghadapi kerikil - kerikil tajam berikut nya

the butterfly counts not months but moments , and has time enough , what about Me ?

Nie di bawah dapet dari buletin dari friendster . Mengingatkan ku betapa berantakan nya hidup ku . Betapa waktu menghilang begitu saja . Betapa aq tidak mensyukuri Anugrah Nya , karena membiarkan hidup ku mengalir mengikuti arus , sementara waktu pergii menjauhi ku ...

"If time can NOT be managed, NOTHING else can be managed...!!!"

Itu adalah judul buku yang ditulis oleh Peter Drucker (ahli manajemen USA). Waktu adalah suatu komoditas SEKALI PAKAI yang SANGAT TERBATAS jumlah dan keberadaanya .Setiap manusia HANYA memiliki waktu 24 jam setiap harinya.Dan waktu itu PASTI AKAN HABIS dengan sendirinya.Baik dimanfaatkan maupun tidak !!! Dua karakteristik waktu menurut Peter Drucker : 1.The Supply of Time is Totally INELASTIC !!! Permintaan boleh meningkat, tetapi persediaan TIDAK akan meningkat ,Bila berurusan dengan waktu, "The Law of Supply and Demand" TIDAK berlaku !!! Seberapa pun besarnya kebutuhan kita akan waktu, kita harus belajar untuk hidup dan bekerja dengan jumlah waktu yang TERBATAS...!!! 2.Time is Totally IRREPLACEABLE...... Waktu sama sekali TIDAK dapat diganti ,Bila sudah berlalu, TIDAK ADA yang dapat menggantikannya...!!! Tak heran bila pepatah mengatakan "If you waste your TIME, you are wasting your LIFE...!!!" Menurut Pak Delfi, ada 4 hal yang HARUS kita renungkan dalam menggunakan sumber daya waktu kita secara efektif : 1.Pelajari dalam aktivitas apa saja kita menghabiskan waktu kita lalu alokasikan waktu tersebut dengan TEPAT dan EFEKTIF...!!! 2.Prioritaskan semua kegiatan dan tugas- tugas kita... FIRST THING FIRST !!! 3.Biasakan untuk memblok waktu kita,setiap blok ALOKASIKAN untuk suatu jenis kegiatan tertentu !!! 4.Delegasikan tugas yang bisa didelegasikan.JANGAN di-handle sendiri semua tugas yang ada !!!

Another stuff that reminds me the essential things of time adalah
- dorama "one litre tears" menceritakan notes seorang Aya Shouane
- Novel karangan Alan L "Mimpi - mimpi Einstein" , mengisahkan tentang relativitas perputaran waktu , dan takdir yang beragam akan waktu yang dipilih "
- Il Mare , film romantis korea yang menggambarkan pasangan pada lipatan waktu. Ditiru oleh the lake house
- The butterfly Effect , film yang diperan kan oleh Aston Kutcher , nice shocking movies
- Buku fave ku "The Art Of Dying"
- Tokoh fave ku "Stephen Hawking" seorang kosmolog sejati yang sepertinya tak kan pernah meraih nobel

Tapi tetep aja aku merasa sia - sia . Dan sekarang kembali aq tersadar kan akan ke uselessan ku . I'll try to do better next time , not next , but now ...

"It's Not Time Which needs to be managed , It's Ourself"

T - junction

Hari ini kembali aku di persimpangan jalan. Impian lulus cepet di depan mata tiba - tiba menjadi kabur. Selalu saja ada perasaan kurang saat aku memutuskan lulus semester 8 ini . Awal kuliah dulu , memang ingin lulus tahun 2007 di sama kan dengan NRP 27 ^^ , tetapi entahlah aku merasa kurang ilmu untuk lulus saat ini , tepatnya kurang pengalaman , Kemampuan coding an ku apalagi , masih jauh di bawah ambang batas .

Terbukti sekarang , ada banyak peluang yang bisa aku ikuti, ada banyak kesempatan aku belajar dalam dunia nyata dan kerja nantinya . Setelah ikut satu proyek , ada keinginan lagi ikut proyek lain nya , bukan materi yang aku kejar utama , tetapi jam terbang . Sudah lama aku merasa inferior di antara temen - temen , terutama cowok , wuih hasil koding an mereka sangar2 ...

Jadi gimana nie , pilih mana :

• lulus cepet , minim kemampuan coding
• lulus nya ditunda dulu , dengan ikut proyek2 gtu (walau tidak menjamin handal koding, dan mengecewakan ortu walau selama ini bayar dewe dari mulai duit SPP , sampe kebutuhan hidup dah ga tergantung ama ortul )

Mengutip dari milis

"Yang perlu diperhatikan adalah karir yang akan anda pilih nanti setelah lulus. Ada mahasiswa tek informatika atau komputer yg menguasai pemrograman hanya sebatas untuk lulus kuliah saja. Dan ini tidak masalah, asalkan anda setelah lulus tidak terjun ke pekerjaan yg dekat dengan dunia pemrograman, misalnya sebagai sales utk produk TI atau sebagai wirausaha... Tapi kalau setelah lulus anda berminat berkarir di bidang IT spt menjadi konsultan IT, sistem analyst, atau system admin. Maka ada 2 keterampilan yang perlu dikuasai oleh fresh-graduate yaitu programming dan database. Biasanya utk fresh graduate, sebuah perusahaan IT atau Konsultan IT menanyakan tentang skill aplicant dalam kedua bidang tersebut."

Surabaya , December 20th 2006

Today is a real bad day for me . Number of hours I wasted just for “Network Security”. Code And make some program about encryption .Finally i could do it deliberately with Netbeans 5.5
Oh God , I hate living like this. I just want to cry . I feel lonely. I’ve done nothing except duty , homework and so on…….. Aq Sebel. Bloody hell my life is s***.

the truth is that every time a door closes behind us , the rest of the world opens up in front of us. All we need to do is stop pounding the door that is now closed , turn around , and see the largeness of life that now lies open to our soul

Parker J Palmer

Can you imagine there’re plenty of stuff that need to be done this week . Business Simulation with ARENA .. Oh NO !!!!!!! I ask KaitoKid the one i dunno know about to make it possible to be done N deadline is tomorrow , it means this night i’ve to stay till late doing it ... hiks ... hiks ... hua ... hua ARENA is one of powerful tool to make a simulation with ant statistical problem from exponensial distribution till poison , and the good thing is It also capable to be IDE for programming (coding) using Visual Basic (VB) Language. It can also connect and generate excel , any kind of nice report , visio , and the best part is it can change design of simulation of business the way we like .

And the next day , Software Quality ‘s waiting . It’s also absurd assignments , without clear description , no boundary , with strict and uncapable lecturer.From googling , i evaluate my faculty website with sitesweeper and website evaluation tool from the internet , and ther result , ftif.its.ac.id is terrible sites , with hundred of problem such as broken link and bla .. bla

It also means that tomorrow i must sleep again in Lab

And what about “ My Work“ ?? I luv asp.net (vs 2005) ,it make you code in a simple way :) But too much modul that need also to be done before the end of december. Oh no ...

Feeling so sad , so blue , so alone , no wortel for the next new year , no wortel for this christmast

Hiks .. hiks .. hua .. hua..

How about my final project , the untouchable ones

Oh God sometimes Just pray

Please send me to your next place

I get depressed here

I get bored & sometimes feeling underpressure here

I hate my boring life

This kind of emptiness

This kind of tiny little sorrow

This kind of bad feeling

This kind of blurry objectives

This kind of pain in the heart

Some thing seems want to come out

Some thing tend to errupt immediately

Is it because of my disease ???